About
Oh, geez, now I gotta write an About page. Gives me a headache. My back hurts. My balls hurt. Ow.
I grew up in a small town called Los Angeles. Shut up. That was a joke.
Los Angeles. The very epicenter of superficiality. What a great starting place for a fat kid with squinty eyes. In 1965 Los Angeles, body image was everything. A pimple was legal grounds for suicide. This posed a serious problem for any imperfect kid with a mirror and smart enough to read a scale.
I grew up surrounded by the Beautiful People of Los Angeles; believe me, they were experts at tormenting anybody who didn’t fit in. That gave me an early start toward surly curmudgeon.
Kids making fun of me. Kids beating me up. Kids giving me wedgies. Childhood was as much fun as a Stephen King story. Mom tried telling me “they aren’t laughing AT you; they’re laughing WITH you”. No, mom. They are laughing at me.
The grown-up world is much different. The bullying is much more subtle and sophisticated now. Now it’s the same story, but shrewder.
Decades of rejection by almost all female humans hasn’t helped my disposition any.
I’ve tried everything in that department. I went on a cruise ship; it turned out to be the Let’s Just Be Friends Boat. I tried online dating; their computer rejected me. I tried singles bars; those worked, in a way. I’m still single.
Don’t confuse me with someone who gripes about everybody. I only target nitwits. And, there are more than enough of THEM around to keep me busy.
Stay tuned for News of the Grumpus on OldManGrumpus.com, where griping is elevated to an art form.
By the way, did I mention the category I have in development? It’s called, ‘Griping about all the nitwits who didn’t subscribe to my blog.’ Damn, that’s a catchy title. Don’t you think?
So, until next time, I wish you well and hope that your fortunes are better than mine. They would almost have to be.
And you kids get offa my lawn.